whoopsie doo

Almost each night
The waves start
I go into myself
I talk to my baby
I wonder if I will get to meet her,
I don't let myself believe it will be that night, then
But bit by bit, I start to hope,
I picture, I want, my heart opens,
And each night,
they fade away, farther and farther,
Like a whale song
Swimming far and deep
Far from me
Until it is silent, underwater stillness.
I wake up sad or angry
I know, I'm still early,
But this feels like being left. Alone.
I saw this ad on Facebook tonight
And think the vicious thought,
Maybe that's what I'll be left with.
A doll that pees and poops
Just like a real baby,
And you can change her diaper.
Ages 3 and up.
I'm 33.
And feel like I won't get the real thing.