My Beautiful Little Boy

I love this picture of us. I need to look at pictures a lot. To feel your weight and know that you are our baby, we are your parents. We miss you so much. Days are very long. A search for what it is all about. It is hurtful to have you gone. I was really angry today. To unravel these feelings seems impossible. But slowly I unraveled. I hugged my friends. I told your dad I was sorry for exploding so much. People want to hang out and I just don't think they know how much hurt is in me. It can be really lonely.

I hold the blanket you are wrapped in here at night. I hold it close to my chest and belly like it's you. I smell it. You are my precious one and you are gone. And I don't understand. Why the world goes on. Why other people get pregnant with their babies and have their families and their joy and I watch them go on, without me. With their joy.I tell you every day that I miss you. I write it down. I will write it down and say it to you for a long time. And it will always be true. I love you and I miss you, my sweet son. i send you a kiss to heaven.