Facebook Babies

One thing about Facebook is that I see all the pictures of EVERYONE having babies. It seems like everyone. A lot of people. So many people seem to be due before me! I've waited so long for this moment.

I see them, gazing down at the newborn infant, with a deeply warm smile on their face. And it's usually their 3rd child now, they've gotten this moment before, and each time, things have gone well. The baby comes out, they get to hold it, they go home. In love.

I want that so bad.

I want it more than anything.

And it is so close, just weeks away.

But the question is still in my mind, will that be for me? Will I get to hold her and keep her? Will I get to, after the intense, loving work, hold my baby and love her? That was stolen before.

The most joyful moment is about to come.

We talk to her, sing to her, every night, we love her, we wait. These days, when she is so close, the waiting is long.

The night is a big yawning black to settle into.

We both have our rituals we need to do now before bed. Light the candle, light the sage, rub the rose oil over the heart, look at the stars, breathe, pray, love Otto, love Lima, be brave.