I feel afraid. Hearing my baby's heartbeat yesterday was beautiful, we got to hear it for a long time, nice and strong, everything looks good.
But it hit me yesterday that we have no control. We don't know what happened with precious Otto, and that is so hard for me to live with right now. I have faith and love, and also I don't want to feel foolish again about planning for a baby if it doesn't stay. I know it's not really foolish, but it feels really bad.
I need help. I need prayers. I want this baby to live.I want to give baths and and change diapers and sing and hold and sway and love. I want to have a happy Thanksgiving.
I know you are here Otto. How do I work through this? I feel sad, the sadness right after you died where we were just shocked and devastated.
But I feel the little bump on my belly and know that this baby is here now, I can love her now, I can only be grateful for what is now. And try to trust. The odds are in our favor. And we want you so much, it is worth the risk. I'll just focus on that.
2 comments:
I am so sorry you are afraid, my Jessie-Bess. I really think she is going to be ok. Seeing her and learning more about her will be fun at your next ultrasound. When is your next one? I love you and you've got lots of prayers from my whole heart and household.
I can't even fathom the rush of emotions you felt as you heard that sweet heartbeat. You are all in my heart and thoughts and prayers. I desire such joy for you all and the sweet pleasure of those "little" everyday acts that you missed out on with Otto. I speak life, joy, peace and a sound mind into your home and over you Ryan and your little one.
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