Fall Equinox

I miss you, baby.
I remember holding you and the softness of your brown hair on my chin,
How you nestled in
Your yawn that went back and forth
Your feet, wide and thick,
Your long legs
The veins in your forehead,
their winding ways,
how they made me think of all of the tributaries of arteries and veins
that wound around and through to your heart,
to your organs,
your fingers,
the amazing universe of you,
And how you were mine.

The first face I saw as my child,
A merging of me and my love,
the wonder of that.
I wish I had so many more days to stare at you,
To learn you
and take you in.
To touch you and caress your head,
to sing to you and talk to you.

I look at the stars to see you now
I look outside and see if the skies are clear
or if there are clouds,
and if I see the specks of silver in the black,
I take comfort in the great expansion
of this universe,
of all the mysteries that I don't know,
of the way the earth moves around our star,
of the way things move so far away,
there is so much room for you to be
Somewhere.
I already know you are here with me
Somehow
And that you love me. I know and know that you love me.
That if you could you would put your small 3 year old hands
on your mommy's head,
just to feel her hair.
I love you too baby.

On this first day of fall,
the holy equinox,
I celebrate the veil thinning,
spirit seeming closer,
the elk and the deer coming out
a time when we see you more clearly.

I love you so much, my sweet little boy. and miss you.