Our little friend Chester died yesterday afternoon, our sweet little yellow bird we've had for 5 years. It brings up all the pain of losing you, losing another part of our family. We brought him to the vet to see what was wrong, he was puffy, and we knew he had some organ problems, and they wanted to keep him for tests. I didn't want to leave him, but I was so upset by being at a medical place again, having to make decisions again, I just left him and went to the car and cried and cried. He died at the vet. I was so mad at myself, that I didn't have the clarity to just bring him home, to let him be at home to die. I didn't know he was that sick, but I had a feeling.
I am so glad, my baby, that we took you home. This makes it all so clear. You were home in the quiet with just the whirr of the fan overhead, no beeps, no loud, laughing conversations of doctors and nurses who seem so clued out to our last hours with our son, no machines to watch, no needles in you, just you. Just a baby, just our little boy, where you were conceived, where you grew, in the same bed, in our arms. I am so glad that we had you to ourselves, to ease to the other side. We were such a team, I wish there were a more graceful word for it, but we all three worked together, our souls enmeshed, as you let go, bit by bit, as you shut down, bit by bit, we were with you, over you, guiding you. Never alone, covered in love.
I hope Chester had some comfort as he died, I hope he felt our hearts with him. I think part of his dying there was to show us that we did the right thing with you. So Chester, thank you for your brave gift. We miss you. We hope you are flying free with your friend Clarence up there, I hope you fly over our sweet Otto.
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